Apolitical polling!

Distraction, brought to you with love from Wednesday Missives

While we wait, a low-stakes list of questions more fun than watching CNN.

Question Title

* 1. What has been your favorite lock-down form of exercise?

Cardio, like an elliptical machine or running outside

Weights and calisthenics, the heavier the better

Kitchen olympics - getting up, going to the fridge, back to the sofa, lots of reps

Rage. Just rage.

Other (please specify)

Question Title

* 2. Have you done anything creative this year?

Yes, visual arts - you should see my turpentine!

Yes, performing arts - I can now dance like the gumby air thingy in front of the car wash!

Yes, if you count decorating spoonfuls of peanut butter with sprinkles before eating.

Yes, epic poetry in the style of the Nordic explorers.

I can't tell you till after the unveiling.

Are you kidding? No! (chews nails)

Question Title

* 3. What is your favorite color?

Red

Blue

Dammit, Keri, this was supposed to be apolitical!

What the hell do you mean, purple? Don't you realize you just gave your vote to [candidate]?!?

Question Title

* 4. If calories didn't matter, what would be your favorite cuisine?

Mexican

Thai

Chinese

Italian

Mediterranean

French

Campbell's-Soup-based casseroles

Paleo (of course not. Do not lie.)

Other (if you must)

Question Title

* 5. What foodstuff would you not want to live without?

Avocado

Guacamole

Something else

Avocado

There are others? Really? Do tell:

Question Title

* 6. How many times so far today have you checked the news sites?

Zero - I'm not a masochist

One to three - I do better when I know, but not when I overload

Four to ten - my hands are sweating so bad I dropped my phone and had to buy a new one

Eleven and up - [random slavering and pounding noises]

Question Title

* 7. What will be your first trip post-vaccine?

To visit elderly parents or other relatives

To Ibiza to party all night with thousands of strangers without masks

To an unmapped island for some solitude

Alternating between the gym and the shrink to get your sh*t together

Go ahead, tease us:

Question Title

* 8. Did you, like many others, adopt a pet during quarantine?

No, I'm allergic, or am unable to love other creatures properly

Yes, a teacup dog with hair bows and tiny poop pellets

Yes, a bouncy canine who requires walking and constant attention

Yes, one (or more) cats who studiously ignore me

Yes, a pangolin and/or a bat

Other (please specify - oh, please do)

Question Title

* 9. What food are you currently dipping into which beverage?

Biscotti or other cookie, into a mug of coffee, cappuccino or espresso

A scone, into a cup of Earl Grey or other tea

Dark chocolate (65% or greater), into a tumbler of red wine

A deep-fried Twinkie, into a snifter of absinthe

Other (please specify, including alcohol content)

Question Title

* 10. What is your most important stress coping method?

Exercise, eating right, and getting plenty of sleep

Playing with my dog, cat, ferret or pangolin

Crossword puzzles and/or online Dungeons and Dragons

Snifters of absinthe

Please give me something. I need new ones!